· What does Emotional Abuse consist of?
Emotionally abusing a person means his or her self esteem in undermined, he or she is psychologically degraded, feelings of insecurity are instilled, or the abuser makes the victim feel he or she has no worth as a human being. The victim is belittled, criticized, verbally or physically mistreated, ignored, humiliated, laughed at, or denigrated among other things.
When I (personally) speak to physical abuse, I’m not referring only (or specifically) to physical violence or harm –either domestic or social,- I’m also referring to physical neglect. For example: a mother may not address her children's basic needs (like having enough and proper clothing in winter, or clean clothes and in good shape,) or she doesn’t supervise the personal hygiene of her children, or she skips breakfast before she sends them to school. This mother is emotionally abusing her children in a physical way; she is physically neglecting them, even if she is not beating them.
Later on we will discuss the various different types of abuse which all have a severe impact on the mental health of the victims. When children are victims of emotional abuse, they will exhibit diverse problems as adults regarding the relationships they will establish with other people and the way they will interact with others, and in some cases, they may become abusers themselves.
This is why it is also critical to understand what leads an abuser to abuse his or her victim. In most cases, this is due to the fact that abusers did not have a sound reference role model during their childhood, and they may have been victims de abuse or they may have witnessed emotional abuse at home, school or their social circle.
· EXERCISES:
The following reference questions will help us understand if we are emotionally abusing someone or if we are victims of emotional abuse. Please, write them down and give as many answers as you need. You can go over them in the furute and give more answers to evaluate if there has been some progress in your relationships, or not. Sometimes, we need to let some time pass by to understand a new concept or idea. Understanding does not happen automatically; hence, we think it's a good idea to write these questions down and check them in the future.
1- Do I care about other people's feelings?
2- Do I intend to hurt others?
3- Do I need other people to depend on me or do I feel I can't live without them?
4- Am I treated with the respect I deserve?
5- Do other people care about my feelings?
6- Am I selfish and always want to have it my way?
7- Are other people selfish and always want to have things their way?
8- Do I see this relationship as a healthy one? or Is it a relationship based on dependency?
9- Do I enjoy being with this person? Does she/he make me feel good?
10- Does the other person enjoy being with me? Do I make her/him feel good?
**Usually, healthy relationships do not have room for selfish interests or personal agendas. Ideas and proposales are shared and mutual feelings are acknowledged. Conversely, abusive relationships bear a big deal of emotional dependency. One of the parties does not enjoy the relationship, does not feel he or she is valued, while the pther party exhibits traits and attitudes higly egotistical.
· Emotional Abuse and the Law
In some countries, emotional abuse is considered a crime and it’s punished by the law. Each country’s culture vary and the laws in each country are based on their culture, political and/or religious principles, hence, in some countries emotional abuse is legally considered a crime, while in others it is not.
