Who is Involved?
· Who is Involved?
Emotional abuse is a problem that involves two or more people. The abuser and the victim of abuse, and some times, third parties who can be “accomplices or partners in crime” o act as “advocates or judges”, siding with either the abuser o the victim.
In order for the abuse to take place, there has to be a frustrated person who is unable to find healthy ways to interact with others, and who channels his or her frustration mistreating or humiliating others. And also, there has to be a “victim” who, for some reason, allows abuse to occur.
It’s important to remember that… “It takes two to have a fight”
· Arbitrators and Witnesses
Sometimes, a third person (or more people) can be present, witnessing the abuse. This observation can be passive, without participating in the abuse, or the witness(es) can get involved, siding with the abuser or advocating for the victim (rescuing the victim.
It’s important to point out that if the third party involved does not act as an impartial arbritator, helping to solve the problem, then his or her actions (supporting the abuser, or advocating for the victim’s rights) can have a highly negative impact.
· Examples:
An employer belittles an employee in front of his co-workers, telling him he is good for nothing.
Perhaps one of his co-workers reacts in defense of the victim of abuse (in this case, it’s a verbal emotional abuse), or maybe, another co-worker makes fun of the abused employee, finding it funny that the victim is being verbally abused.
In both cases, the co-workers are reinforcing the idea of abuse. They are not helping to solve it, even if their intention is to defend the victim’s rights. When we attempt to “rescue” another person, speaking on his or her behalf, we are also degrading him or her.
In some way, we are taking for granted that this person is really “good for nothing” and is unable to speak for himself. This only emphasizes the emotional abuse of the employee by the employer.
Conversely, if the co-workers neither defend nor laugh at the abused employee, and talk to the victim once the employer is gone, they might be able to help the abused employee understand he or she has the right to be treated with respect and dignity. This would be a healthy approach when a third party is involved.
When we witness an incident of emotional abuse, it is crucial to be objective. We should not side with the abuser nor try to rescue the victim. Ideally, we should try to talk in private with both parties to help them understand that emotional abuse is wrong, it’s unhealthy and it’s not a proper way to interact with others.
We don’t need to be a professional therapist to give a positive point of view that may help the abuser and the victim. But it’s vital to be fair, objective, a good observer and have a sound common sense and a high degree of empathy.
· Different Scenarios Where Emotional Abuse Takes Place
Emotional abuse happens more often in romantic relationships, and also between parents and their children, employers and employees, faculty and students, authorities and citizens, or just between friends and peers.
When abuse occurs in a setting where the abuser has a higher degree of authority or a higher rank than the victim –such as in the case of the employer and the employee- we can say it embodies a fair example of Power (emotional) Abuse.
Likewise, this kind of emotional abuse can occur between parents and children, particularly in young children o school age children. When children turn, approximately, 12 or 13 years old, they start to "rebel" against authority. They don’t rebel against authority because they are "rebels without a cause" or just because, but because they start questioning other people’s criteria or perspective, including that of their own peers, and start shaping their own point of view and judgment. Nowadays, many children have already become "free thinkers" at a much younger age.
