Types of Abuse   ·        Different Types of Emotional Abuse   Emotional Abuse may take different forms. Here we will just list some of them and then we will explain them briefly.   §         Emotional dependency §         Financial dependency §         Physical or emotional neglect §         Power abuse §         Intellectual abuse §         Emotional sexual abuse (not physical) §         Cultural abuse   Emotional Dependency   An abuser makes the victim feel as if the victim were “emotionally in debt” with the abuser.  For example, the abuser may “reward” the victim PROVIDED THAT the victim accepts the emotional terms and conditions and/or mind games that the abuser imposes on the victim. There’s a condition or term that creates an emotional dependency.   “I will love you (or I will reward you) PROVIDED THAT you will do as I wish or say.” “You’re a good person PROVIDED THAT I believe what you’re doing is right." “Without you, I can’t live.” (I can only live PROVIDED THAT you are part of my life.)     Financial Dependency   The abuser has full control of the money and/or the assets and manages them at their sole discretion. Regardless of whether the victim earns money or not, the abuser manages the income and decides how it is spend, or when or on what, or how it’s invested or saved, etc.  The victim does not have a say in terms of financial decisions.     Emotional and/or Physical Neglect   The abuser ignores or minimizes the basic and emotional needs of the victim. Above, we mentioned the example of a mother who does not care if her children have proper clothing, or does not supervise their personal hygiene, or has no concerns about her children’s health. She can also expose her children to unsafe situations.  Many victims of emotional and/or physical neglect are children and elderly people, who – to some extent- depend on other to carry out their daily tasks.   When an elderly person is in a nursing home, maybe his or her relatives don’t come to visit him/her, or the staff maybe does not take care of him/her as they should (they don’t help the person with their bath or personal hygiene, they may not supervise if the person takes their medication, they are not concerned about the person’s emotional needs).   In other scenarios, addictions play an important role. For example, a father who has a gambling addiction and doesn’t care gambling the only money he has to feed his children. All these aggressive behaviors are typical examples of emotional abuse.     Power Abuse   Usually, it happens between a figure of authority and a person who has to report to that authority. A boss, a teacher, a specialist, a law enforcement agent, a landlord or someone who makes key decisions, can emotionally abuse others who play a less hierarchical role.    A teacher who mocks his students or gives a class treating the students as if they were mentally challenged.   A police agent or a bodyguard who bullies other people, instilling fear or threatening their safety.   A bank executive who belittles a customer who needs to apply for a loan to repay an old debt.   There are many examples where emotional abuse takes the form of power abuse. The abuser makes the victim feel he or she has no options to choose from because the power to make decisions is in the hands of the abuser. The victim feels there’s no way out because the abuser plays a higher hierarchical role.     Intellectual Abuse   In these cases, the abuser makes the victim feel inferior from an intellectual standpoint. This does not mean that the abuser necessarily has a higher IQ than the victim’s IQ. Perhaps the victim is more “intelligent”, in terms of his/her intellectual abilities.  But the abuser is “smarter” and knows how to manipulate the victim so that he/she feels he/she is “less intelligent."   A victim may have more experience or better abilities to carry out a task, but the abuser points out to the victim that he/she “doesn’t have a college diploma,” suggesting that the victim does not have the intellectual ability it requires to get a college degree and perform such tasks.   This kind of abuse also happens when an arrogant persona (the abuser) knows enough about a give subject (o pretends to know enough) and is also very eloquent when he/she expresses himself/herself.  This could be the case of the car dealer we discussed before. The IQ of the cars salesman is not necessarily higher than that of the buyer; he is simply smarter or shrewder, or maybe unscrupulous, and makes the victim feel he/she knows nothing about cars (which may be untrue.)   It can also happen in a couple, between parents and children, friends, a professional and his client. In all events, the abuser is simply smarter and needs to make the victim feel intellectually inferior.   In order to avoid becoming a victim of an intellectual abuser we need to learn to see people for whom hey really are. This is without idealizing them. Just because a person speaks eloquently on a particular subject, doesn’t mean he/she is savvy or more intelligent than others.   Maybe one of the most representative examples we see in our daily lives is some political speeches or religious preaches.   Emotional Sexual Abuse (non physical)   Sexual abuse can be physical, but also emotional. For instance, when a man treats a woman as a sexual object and “exhibits” here before others as a trophy, he is emotionally abusing her in a sexual way.  It also occurs when some exhibitionists parents who claim to be very "open minded” walk around the house completely naked, making their children feel uncomfortable or uneasy.   A clear case of emotional sexual abuse was that of a father who was a renowned professional and worked all day long. In the evening, when he got back home, his children wanted to share time with him, but instead he would lie in bed reading an adult magazine with explicit pictures of naked women. Since he was a very “open minded father”, he would let his school aged kids share that moment with him in bed, browsing the adult magazine.   Not only he was ignoring his children’s need of attention, but also he was emotionally abusing his children from a sexual perspective, exposing them to a type of literature that was okay for adults but not for young children.   This is a typical case of egotism, emotional sexual abuse, and emotional neglect which was worsen by the fact that he also emotionally abused the mother, who was not allowed to give her opinion and if she spoke her mind, the father would belittle her. (For example, telling her in front of the children “you’re very narrow-minded”.)  In turn, the mother was also emotionally abusing her children because she was not protecting them from this kind of exposure and was accepting to play the victim’s role letting the father disrespect her, instead of standing for her rights and her children’s rights.   Children should never be exposed to this kind of scenarios or to explicit material intended only for adults.  Children, handicapped people and, often times, the elderly are what we call involuntary victims.     Cultural Abuse   It is well known that within different cultures there may be significant differences. For example in the way people greet each other, or regarding the different accents within the same language, or the different lifestyles (a person who lives in the city has a completely different lifestyle than one who lives in the countryside.)   Within some cultures, if we greet a person shaking hands or using another kind of physical contact it implies a sign of disrespect, while in other cultures “not doing so” is what is considered disrespectful.  Therefore, it’s important to bear in mind that the cultural differences may affect people’s values.   Last, physical abuse (physical mistreat) is also considered a form of emotional abuse.  It may occur with or without verbal abuse or mind games, but not necessarily.   Some people believe that if there are not being physically abused then they are not being emotionally abused, but as we have seen before, there are many different types of emotional abuse and not all of them are expressed through physical violence or aggression.   Most countries have free community resources like hotlines for domestic violence cases and most institutions and companies have human resources policies that forbid abuse and discrimination in all its forms.